010. Delaware.


Did I ever mention my loathing for prolonged drives? I can’t image how my dad does it all the time. I read, scrunched into the backseat. (Xenocide, Orson Scott Card. Now on Children of the Mind. Ender Wiggins OWNS. Although, I adore Bean too.)

But my family is love. I didn’t realize how touch-deprived I was, until I carried around my little cousin, leaned into an older cousin, was hugged by a gazillion aunts/uncles, let another fuss with my hair, kisses to the head, and all the lovely little brushes that say “I’m here. We love.” Not that my friends at school are prudes, not that I don’t get hugs (and ass tag XD). It’s just not to the level of family, of being constantly connected.

Even when I took a break from the crowd, retreating upstairs, I lay on the bed with my cousin and sister, as they mess with her laptop and I mine. Buck’s Rock was the only place I got near this level of love. I’ll miss it, once I have to go back to NY. Speaking of, I miss BR. And I want to snuggle with a few certain people right now. <3

I scared myself, the other day. I tried to image the future- and blanched. I need to improve my grades. I need to learn to be financially independent. I need to learn to drive. I need to, in short, need to learn to live on my own. And I’m not ready. I’m glad I figured this out as a junior, though.

Life goes on, as it usually does. I get decent grades. I emailed my aunt the tribute song I sang for her husband. I try, try, try to forget about things that are hopeless. I smile and try not to let the fucking cracks show, because, you know what? They shouldn’t be there. I look towards a day when dumb things won’t hurt. I look towards my friends, some happy, some in pain, all of whom I love dearly. And I wish them the best. I’m thanking the FSM, God, Allah, whoever for these wonderful people.

…and I just realized you shouldn’t half listen to conversations and quote at the same time. “It’s not incest if a mother can do it to her chil- wait, WHAT?” Note to self: make sure the topic is PDA.


2 Responses to “010. Delaware.”

  1. Pippy, my dear, I adore you. And I miss BR. And I’d snuggle with you anytime.

  2. 2 pip

    Leah, my darling, I miss your snuggles. And seeing you, and everyone else. Hoping you have a lovely day<3

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