059. Clocks.


Children crying outside. Saxophones drifting from the ceiling. Cute little Asian girls that politely ask for the phone. Mother threatening kid. Ticking clocks. Pandora saving sanity. Thumps from dancers, keeping their rhythm. Aniello’s calzone-breath.  Little goodbyes that make me feel like an ass. Chilly fingers. A lying thermostat. Sleepless yawns.  A wonderful person.  The skies have been limitless, blues and layers of deeply shadowed clouds. I forget the beauty inherent in this sleepy little city until it shakes me.

Tired. Listening to music in bed was the closest I got to rest- trying to find music. Once typing started again, I fell asleep with my face against the keyboard. An hour like this and my face looked funny and my neck hurt. That was- three? I skipped a class today. I haven’t ever done that with an academic class, and felt strange. The theory-project is done, if absolutely shit quality. But as soon as it was finished I was light again. Well, lighter. Still tired, besides sleeping in English. But happy.

I’m in touch withdrawal. Hugging, clinging, to anyone who will stand it. I am not looking forward to sleep, tonight. Oh, to be sure, I’m looking forward to closing my eyes, fuzzy blankets. I’ve just been spoiled. I want to fall asleep in the circle of arms again. I want to have my family near, leaning and hugging and kissing each other on the cheek. I miss the casual affection, the crazy antics. I miss rainbow eyeshadow and baskets, smashing pumpkins and guitar, camera and clouds. I miss fearless kisses and held hands,  inyourendos and that’s-what-she-said, gardens and constitutional conversations.

I am in withdrawal, and my drug is beyond my borders. This is why I need to learn to drive. I want break to come. I want to spend time with love. I want to laugh and cry and be, be with others.

Mostly, I want to fall asleep on that airbed again, warm safe loved.


2 Responses to “059. Clocks.”

  1. 1 bylandl

    Welcome to the bitch of love!

    It’s a wonderful place to be, but she’ll eat your heart out. You’ve never wanted so much, and yet, you’ve never been so happy.

    It’s a confusing place.

    Then again, maybe that’s just I.

    But I like it.

    and I love you.

  2. 2 Pip

    Love, she really is a bitch. But a bitch I worship and look at with moonstruck eyes.

    I like it as well.

    And I love you too. Should we ever live near each other, the possibilities are endless. Should we always live far apart, the road trips will be so much fun.

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