097. tacky stars.


(note, this entry was started the first day of school, a week ago)

I have never been a big fan of school transportation. Or, rather, a fan of the drivers, company, choice of radio, odor, and so on. This was taken to new heights with the senile old man driving the bus I am designated to. I have ranted about this before. It was reinforced within the first two minutes I was on the good ol’ “try and fit four asses in a two-ass sea” bus. Flustered school officials, thinking this was a first day problem (hah.) suggested that anyone could take the other bus. Same destination. ‘Cept, not a direct trip, new dude driving, ect.

I thought about it for a minute. The octogenarian got on the intercom and asked about “Bob” and “Jiff”, two made up people he uses to stir up the… for lack of a better term, smelly people. They are numerous, stupid, and make trailer trash look classy. They hoot, holler, somehow intensifying the horrible stench. I practically leap down the aisle.

The new bus isn’t quiet- a group of freshman/sophmores are pushing and shoving in the way back, pretending they’re more tough, more cool then the rest of the world. Aww, playacting! My sister’s friend, brilliant and socially awkward, says hello. I marvel at the way she makes eye contact now, the way she chills out and starts a conversation. I am dropped off a bit of a ways away from my house, and as I was walking in the 80 degree weather, thoughts drifted nicely.

Of of the drift led me to “Barn Stars”, those metal stars that people put on their houses. Conversations about them have been amusing, and now I’ve been told they were used as supports, and are considered lucky. Driving in Moses’s car, we discussed them at length. Moses himself had a funny view on their origins.

“So, one guy puts his up because he thinks it looks cool. The next guy passing it thinks, “Gee! That’s an awesome way to say you love Jesus!” He puts up a star on his house. Then, a guys passes that house, and thinks “Man! What a great way to covertly show you love Communism!” And puts his star up. The next passerby thinks, “Nice! Patriotic!” They’re the same stars. They just mean whatever you want them to mean.”

Doesn’t make them any less tacky-looking, in my humble opinion.

This weekend was fun. Fun in all the chill ways I’ve missed, hanging out and playing Sims, video games, Apples to Apples and pizza. Unknown to me, the summer broke some relationships, strengthened others, and drove some close-knit friends away from each other. High school is not forever. Yet some things are better, closer and more relaxed. Happy five months, love. I still believe life is good, no matter what it throws. Especially when it throws shit.

My mother hosted a celebration of life for a friend today. She was 36. She was beautiful, had two young kids, was fit and graceful, taught a spinning class. She committed suicide. My mom tried to brush it off, but she was shaken. Is shaken. She tells me, she doesn’t understand, and she never wants to. I get it, in a separate way. I love my mother for her strength, and hope she never understands.


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