128. picture-cuts.

15Dec08

She started bawling. Great soul-searing sobs that tear and wrench themselves from the deepest youngest part of the heart. I look at the pictures as I’m holding her, jokes about confetti. There’s a picture of me, a year and a month old, spelling my name on the fridge. “She never got to see her kids grow up… it hurts”

She died a year ago. A year ago tonight, or tomorrow morning. She went out dancing, and never knew she wouldn’t wake up.

The weekend was wonderful and full of family-awesome and college apps were mostly sent out, but right now I’m too tired to talk about happy and too sick to control what I think about.

Chorus concert tonight.

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3 Responses to “128. picture-cuts.”

  1. “She went out dancing, and never knew she wouldn’t wake up.”
    Oh darling, darling baby. I’m right here. I’m right here always.

    Can I ask who, dearheart?

    *big hug*

  2. My aunt. She was my mommy’s younger sister, and it’s just sorta striking repeatedly. But. Big hurts get little, and one day you wake up and say, “Okay. That was bad, but I’m okay now”

    *nuzzles* Love you, Leah. so so much.

  3. “just sorta striking repeatedly.”

    ..YES.
    and the icklest, least important, least obvious things bring it back.

    love you too, doll.


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