The Whole Thing.


This was originally titled, why family shouldn’t be on facebook. It’s gotten so. much. bigger. bitter. Read at your own risk. It’s shown sequentially. Anything [in blocks] is me.


We start this fuckup with a post. I’ve edited in grammar and spacing, because if I left it alone eyes would bleed. All names have been changed. So, yeah, facebook family feud a brewin’

Character List:


Jimminy Jr: Thirty-something Freemason, in the military.
Charlie: Thirty-something, voice of reason.
Charmander: Seventeen year old kid. Vulgar.
Pip: *waves* Nice to meetcha. Niece to Jim and May.


Big Jim: Father of Jimminy. War Vet. Uncle to the rest.
May: Mother of Charmander, Aunt to the rest, sister of Jim


Nodden: Not related.

The starting post.

Jimminy Jr.: Muslims dig up bodies of Christians, kill 165,000 Christians – just in 2009 – yet Obama sings Islam’s praise… when does this end? When YOU do something about it. Call your representatives. Tell them to start representing You.

…what are we supposed to do? That bit wasn’t clear. Kill them, precious? Are the representatives mercenaries? What would we like to do with the town? Would we like to make it.. dance? With the animal?

Seriously. Whut.

Charlie: Jimminy Jr, are you saying that all sects of Islam are bad?

1.5 billion people are Muslim. That’s 23% of the world’s population. Are you saying that because some Muslims do evil things, that all Muslims are evil?

What do you suggest for people to say to their representatives in Congress? Should people demand that our government denounce all Islam and all Muslims? What’s the next step after that?

I suggest that we focus our resources to reduce or eliminate the extremist elements and build bridges of understanding and mutual respect with the rest.

What would Jesus do?

A voice of reason that can also appeal to his Christian side! Miraculous. You’d think this would end the conversation….

Jimminy Jr : My call to action was to tell your representatives to radically and quickly oppose this action of Hamas’ extremists. [What is ‘this action’?]

Charlie, you know I love you brother but you’re making giant speculative leaps in your assumption, effectively accusing me of denouncing all Islam. Rumi, Hafiz, Samuel L Lewis, Hazrat Inayat Kahn, are but a few Islamic authors on my bookshelf as I type this.

I agree with you, their extremist factions need to be dealt with, if possible in a peaceful manner, which is why I raised this point. There are those working to undermine peace & understanding. Murdering more Christians [What about every. other. religion’s deathtoll. They don’t matter?]  than almost 3 times the death toll of our Vietnam Veterans is inexcusable and I cannot condone it, even if some may erroneously say to decry such action is a hate speech against all Islam.

*blink* ..okay. So, your vague call-to-action that implied EVILISLAM isn’t hate speech. Alright. So… what did you want us to do? Also, bringing in Veterans and Christianity has attracted the Patriotic Sharks.

And a troll, in the form of an exasperated teenaged boy.

Charmander: [Charmander’s post was deleted voluntarily by himself. It basically told Jimminy that “We are sick of your shit,” a bit more about his political views and facebook, and ended with a flourishing insult of “fuckwad.I clapped.]

Charmander listened to Jimminy often. Charmander has recently decided he doesn’t at all agree and want to think for himself. Also, he’s a teenage boy who views Jimminy’s comments unkindly. Swearing is inevitable. Charmander meant for this to be a debate between cousins. This changes, quickly, when the scariest thing imaginable happens- the rest of the family notices and takes sides.

This, of course, leads to PatrioticShark.

Jim: Charmander You are being profane, vulgar, wildly inaccurate and, what else is new?????! [space bar wasn’t functioning, apparently. leaving in the spelling mistakes though.]

You say” We are all sick-Ad Nauseum, etc”[ad nauseum being “of this shit”]

Who is WE? Specifically!

Why are you so vulgar on this ,our family forum? […facebook is our family forum?]

You assert that you are extremely profanely critical of Jimminy Jr’s political convictions.

He has taken a vow to protect and defend the constitution against all enemies, foriegn and domestic. he has put his life online to protect ALL of our rights. [He’s bringing the military in. Rats can be seen fleeing the ship. Charmander baleetes his comment to avoid Jim’s wrath]

What have YOU done? [This is the point I start getting pissed off. Truly and well PISSED. This has become a personal attack. Seventeen mean HE DOESN’T NEED TO SERVE. He’s still in fucking school.]

Study Islam, and then tell me of their great benevolence. Whoever your cohorts MAY be, I stand with Jimminy Jr. IS everyone on facebook entitled to YOUR opinion, and yet by some twist, Jimminy Jr is not allowed to have HIS???? […because swearing at someone invalidates their opinion.]

I’m disappionted with your intolerence. [HAH.] Last night you were all hugs and handshakes, and now? Angry vitriole and hypocracy! [This is the point I call my cousin and make sure he’s okay. These are angry comments coming from a man he respects, and are crossing Family with Politics. No.]

Please look at your excessive anger and try to find it’s legitimate source. You are WAY out of line.

Pot, meet kettle. Out of line is only the beginning. This is a sixty year old man talking to a teenager. Yes, he is a veteran. No where in Charmander’s “vitriole” did he bash the armed services. But for Jim, apparently the Military-killed-by-Islam connection is strong. So strong he’s going to tear apart a teenager for loving his family and then expressing his views. I respect this man and his service greatly, but I will walk away whenever he talks politics. I have not lived through enough to try and debate with him, and he doesn’t listen anyway. Unfortunately, he has facebook.

May O’Leary: Charmander and Jimminy Jr need to be in a private chat, or face to face talk. I have heard both of you debate /talk topic after topic. I find vulgar words, and critical blame not to my liking

But you two need to contain your talks to private, I know both of you somehow enjoy the dance or talk. Please don’t make others in the family feel like they need to take side,
and fight. Love you both

HORRAH VOICE OF REASON! Because there was side-drawing about to occur. This prevented a battle. Of course, Jimminy has to be a snippity little ass.

Jimminy Jr: Ironic to add this as a Comment, publicly, instead of as a privately sent message. [Bitch, that was a peaceful intervention. She barely scolded you, as she had every right to tan both your hides for bringing this to facebook]

When did I attack Charmander? [Not until this moment, actually, that was your dad. unfortunately, you start attacking right after this, petty-head] When did I do anything other than respond to a comment placed on my page? I may be guilty of replying defensively… I blamed Charmander for nothing, yet he replied only with critical – even profane – speech… And you wonder why I haven’t been by??

I’m calling him after I finish this. I want to throttle him. YOU ARE THIRTY-TWO. HE IS SEVENTEEN. For the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, grow up. Are you implying Charmander think you attacked him? He was critical because you have been shoving this down his throat for YEARS. He is sick and tired of hearing it, and expressed it by cussing you out. Smart, mature? No. Are you sinking to his level? No. You’ve sunk past his level.

May: point well taken I will talk to you in private

Gracefully, she avoids further public drama, and ignores his stupid childish barb at her intervention.

Nodden @Jimminy Jr, It is truely sad that so many Christians are dieing, but there is really nothing we can do to help them. They have to help themselves. The blacks and females [Anyone else uneasy with his wording? Not to be PC hound, but.] in these united States weren’t free until they stood up for themselves. All of our attempts to help others who aren’t yet ready to free themselves are like breaking baby chicks out their shells for them. (if a baby chick cannot break out on its own it will be too weak to survive) The Korean and Veit Nam wars both failed and the war between the States wiped out 2% of our total population without solving anything.

[um whut. Leaving this in for the sheer ???]

@Charmander, I do realize that not everyone is interested in “politics,” but alot of people like to use FB to connect to people who share common political views. (That is how I know Jimminy Jr) It’s true that there are alot of other great sites to talk politics on, but FB seems be one of the best places for it. (I wouldn’t include 4chan as a good site for politics)

I lawl’d. But, facebook isn’t conducive to politics. It’s good for keeping up with who did what, pictures and relationships.

Jimminy Jr: To everyone – I profusely apologize if anything in that exchange offended you. I sent my comment publicly as I felt knowing what’s occurring required prayers and calls. That’s all. I meant no offense, save to the Red tape which defends allegiance to Islam over allegiance to America.

And still, he gets a dig in with his apology. I couldn’t let it end of that little superior note.

Pippin: I accept your apology on behalf of everyone watching this. I won’t ask you to damper or not post your views, because it is, after all, your page, yours to say what you will.

However, can I ask that next time something like this occurs because a conflict of views, can the adults act like adults? This means not bringing in holier-than-thou attitudes, and instead treating his comments with a level head and the knowledge that he is family, and should be treated with love and exasperation, not personal attacks.

Charmander is seventeen. He’s a bit tired of the things younger Jimminy Jr says, and expressed it with teenager words. He also deleted his comment because he realized he was being immature. Please, have similar wisdom when you reply in defensive anger.

This is aimed mostly at Jim’s comments, but with a fair amount of scorn for Jimminy as well. YOU ARE ADULTS. GROW THE FUCK UP.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go write a paper on Rushdie and Islam and try not to commit seppuku with my pillow. (I will find a way)

Then, these texts.

Pip: I will not pretend to know what Charmander said. i will, however, wonder if you are 32 or 12. Don’t be petty. Family. It means forgiving young dumbasses. Pretend you’re old enough to wipe your own nose.

Jimminy: Really Pip what did I saw that Clearly offended you? You never would have spoken to me this way before

Pip: Read for tone sometime. Also, writing a facebook message. It’ll be a while.

Jimminy: I quoted you, with the words you chose… that’s distinctively more than tonal misunderstanding.

Now, after I sent the first text, I read and started to respond to his message. Here it is.

From: Jimminy
Subject: notice how this is private?
[haha. WOW, not a dick move AT ALL.]

I find it remarkable that you feel the need to not only call me “holier-than thou” but also effectively to tell me to “act like an adult.” So I’m not assuming anything, can I ask you while in private, to clarify exactly what I did that prompted you to publicly judge me as not acting like an adult? Which of my replies do you judge as a “personal attack”? You add to “treat his comments with a level head” Which did I Not do so with? I agree with you that family should be treated with love and exasperation… not being slammed publicly. Perhaps we disagree on application. As you mentioned Charmander’s comments, understand that he did not delete them by choice – Facebook ordered him to do so or lose his account. Seems not everyone likes “teenager words” (No, I did not rat him out.) Personally I’m as shocked as disappointed in your tone. From Charmander I’ve come to expect it. From you? I didn’t see it coming. I’ve already apologized, publicly even. …Was that not enough for you?”

From: Pippin

Note. I am using language of the vulgar sort. It is used as emphasis, and is pretty much exactly how I sound right now speaking.

The holier than thou. Try reading yourself outloud. Does it sound pretentious? It does on this end.

Reread what you said to May. That’s where the adult comment and attack comes in. The whole, ‘excuuuuuse me, you’re being a hypocrite HAH public comment’ was snide and petty. That’s how it reads. As you judging her “ironically public” comment, finding her lacking and yourself superior.

” And you wonder why I haven’t been by??”. SERIOUSLY. TONE. READ IT. You said that publicly. Slamming, judging May as not worthy of visitation, and it almost implies something about her worth as a family member. That pissed me off. She was graceful about it, too, retreating publicly.

Also, a fair amount of my adult comment was directed equally at you and your father’s response, but I won’t touch that. I’m not going to get in the way and get mowed down by the Veteran Card. I am not old enough to debate with him, and respect him too much to belittle his contribution. I respect the armed forced, but there comes a point where its used carte blanche for any opinion whatsoever.

No. You did not act with a level head. You both acted with defensive anger and you “slammed him publicly” I winced when I read ” Last night you were all hugs and handshakes, and now? Angry vitriole and hypocracy!” mixing familiar love with his admittedly immature comment. (Yes, that was your father. I still am wincing.)

“I blamed Charmander for nothing, yet he replied only with critical – even profane – speech… And you wonder why I haven’t been by??”

..what would you blame him for? He is seventeen. He isn’t old enough to serve. He has listened to you and hung on to your every word for a while. he loves the philosophy and listened greedily for the next cover up, the next conspiracy. Then, something happened. I have no idea what, I see him much less than you do. And he because tired of it all, tired of the politics and the hate and the OBAMAMUSLIMSATAN! And he is jaded and fucked up enough from his experiences, socially awkward and trying. so. hard. He’s gotten so much better it’s ridiculous. If he’s swearing and judging? Good. I went through that phase. I bet you did too. Let him grow up. He’s fifteen years younger than you. He was also apologetic and regretted the vulgar bits of his words. Don’t attack him; be the bigger, older person. You instead dropped to his level, sans cuss words.

(Also, my information could be incorrect, but. How did the Omnipotent Facebook order him? From what I heard, he deleted it after his mother scolded him for his language. This could be incorrect, and as such isn’t a main thing, just an honest question.)

And then there’s my issue with the original linkage.

“even if some may erroneously say to decry such action is a hate speech against all Islam” You gave no other impression in your initial post, and that comment reads snide. All you said was call you representatives… so they could do what? Alienate a billion people for the actions of a few? Raise tensions back to the boiling point? I don’t want to fear nuclear war, I don’t want a new Cold War. You aren’t demanding reparation for Iraqi families killed by friendly fire, only for the Christian casualties. it isn’t about which religion died. It’s about people of both creeds dying. Not Muslims vs. Christians. Fathers and Fathers and Mothers and Mothers. Children and Children. Not divided by their religion, their homes, united as dead in a war where both sides are fucking up. An islamic child cries for her father just as much as a christian child.

As for your apology, it’s enough. I love you dearly.

I’m also sick of the Obamathing, and disenchanted with both parties. [Whole huge list of personal things I’ve been dealing with has been removed] I’m away from everyone I know and love for the first time, and, oh yeah, am currently writing three papers. One on Rushdie and Islam, funnily enough. I am eighteen, going on nineteen, and ready to give up.

In short, I don’t give a fuck about politics right now. Feel free to scold my tone. All I want to to curl up in a ball and sob, but I need to be strong for everyone else. I don’t want to open facebook to find politics and my family, my support attacking each other. I am done. So I am reacting strongly. I am overreacting. I am responding to your tone because you are not watching it, and you make my heart ache because there is so. much. else. beyond politics and the petty hate that they bring.

So. Grow up. Please. Don’t diss May and Charmander. Love. Love the little Muslim children as much as the Catholics. Think about human pain and how much the world is hurting right now. please don’t add to it. please.


Thank you, and goodnight. I AM DONE.


3 Responses to “The Whole Thing.”

  1. 1 Lindsey

    Katelynn, if I had seen that I would have flipped my fucking shit. You were level-headed, handled the situation logically, and with such grace and intelligence. Your responses were incredibly well-written and thought-provoking.

    I can’t believe the way both Jim and Jim Jr. acted…its just so insanely snide and immature, and to FAMILY. Jesus Christ!

    Has your father seen this? What does he have to say about all this?

  2. I fear showing this to my father. Outright fear. Because he would find a way to End This, and it’s pretty much solved. There’s now three more comments from Jimminy’s (20 year old) sister, asking everyone to love each other ’cause it’s Christmas, my Aunt Tea agreeing, and cousin Charlie with both a “please clarify between Hamas and ALL MUSLIMS, then also saying something about family and unconditional love.

    I ended up not doing an overdue paper because I was shaking so hard. I still feel physically ill from this. Just… motherfucking be family.

  3. 3 Caitlin

    Your family uses big words, I’ll give them that. It’s entirely irritating when anyone throws around political views without understanding them. But all that aside I’m glad you have a few wonderful family members that understand how unimportant a political debate is (in that it isn’t worth personal attacks on family.) But Jim’s dad was out of line in the way he talked to that kid. If anyone grandpa or even uncle age talked that way to me I’d cry for a week, so I hope Charmander’s okay. And I hope you’re okay, dearest darlingest voice of reason.

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