ragetrain of exhaustion, don’t mind me.


Virginity. Uggggh. Virginity is a concept that needs to go the fuck away. It means different things to different people and I dislike it strongly. One subject that was danced around, bandied around, debated. Fuck.  Like, what counts in girlsex for losing your virginity? Are there born-again virgins, or does the hymen determine it all for the ladies? What about anal? What about guys, straight or gay? Is there a gay-cherrypop and a straight-cherrypop, or is it only the first time you do the deed? The fuuuuck does it even have to do with how far you go? Does it count if you didn’t want it? Does it count when you did it and hated it? I lost my virginity at four or seventeen, depending on your camp.

(also, my roommate just piped in with, “the first time I had sex was not when I lost my virginity” That’s her definition of sex, of virginity.)

I hated the question. I am (was, and will be) a shit liar. So when people would whisper, ask, leer “Are you a viiiiiiirgin?” I would stammer and blush and not know what to say. Because I was raped, and I heard it counted and I heard it didn’t count. I finally just started to tell people in high school, just for the shock value and to stop. hearing. this. shit. Ask me a stupid question, I’ll give you an uncomfortable answer.

So fuck virginity, hard, with a fork. I like firsts. First is specific and not up for debate. The first time I had consensual, enjoyable sex was when I was seventeen. You ask me when I lost it? Seventeen. End.


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